10th Jun 2021
Or they make you clench your jaw, hunch your shoulders up around your ears (note – while a good postural technique is to make sure your ears are above your shoulders, they shouldn’t be UP near them). You might even lose your temper, react, in other words.
While we all have challenging aspects of our personality and when we work closely with people, including customers and clients, what can be the most challenging is our reaction. How not to be ‘triggered’ by what someone has said, or done, or how they chew their food or breathe. We can’t control what others say or do we can only control our reaction.
Learning how to respond as opposed to reacting is what’s key to effective communication. Not only the workplace but also at home, in our personal lives.
If we are met with any sort of behaviour that makes our life challenging, there are techniques you can learn to deal with it. It's important to learn these techniques when you are relaxed so it's easier to recall when you are stressed.
Anger is a secondary emotion so there is always some other emotion in behind it, as the primary emotion. These emotions can be so fleeting we aren't even aware of them and we just go straight to anger. Once again, breathing helps keep you calm under angry situations (and help you to calm down if it's you who's angry).
It also can be challenging not to be drawn into someone else’s issues/conflict/drama that actually we have nothing to do with.
One way to stop this from happening is to respond in a non-committal way. Saying “Riiiiight” and really drawing out the iiii sound will give the person time to draw breath and carry on without you haven’t to say anything possibly incriminating.
When it comes to dealing with issues or coming up against challenging people, take a deep breath (it will only take 3 seconds) and let it out slowly. These breathing exercises are in the training manual that’s currently free on Amazon (link at the bottom of this).
This week I am covering this very thing in a couple of workshops within a team. Team workshops are great because everyone hears the same message and discussions around what was presented as everyone will have a different take on it, will lead to the learning becoming more likely to be put into practice.
Say It Clearly has training options available as a service provider for NZTE. Which means you could qualify for up to 50% of the cost off your training. Email below for more info.
4th Jun 2021
Is this burn out? There have been a number of conversations lately around burn out and how it actually looks to each person. Is it a feeling of ‘meh’, nothing makes you feel energized or excited? Is it wanting to avoid every single social occasion because the thought of smiling and holding a conversation makes you want to pull the duvet back over your head? What about making decisions? Even something as simple as what shall we have for dinner? Does that question bring to mind that emoji of the shoulder shrug? What about tasks that usually are really simple but you just can’t be bothered? In fact that, ‘can’t be bothered’ is something you think a lot. Or, ‘that’s in the too hard basket’ today. Maybe it's all of the above and maybe there's more.
These are some of what I feel on quite a number of occasions and it might seem bad, but when others tell me this is what they feel sometimes too, I feel better! I suppose it’s about not being the only one or these feelings are actually quite normal but what is key is what to do about it.
Advice I’ve been given – Don’t ignore it. Find ways to help you feel better.
Talk to a trusted person about how you are feeling.
Go for a walk in nature.
Write down your triggers; the what and when and also write down what makes you feel better (another name for this is reflecting, these are available free, email me if you can't find them on the website)
It could be finding a book to read on the subject (Busy as F@#$, by NZ Clinical Psychologist Karen Nimmo is in 10 chapters and it’s like 10 weeks on her couch.)
Looking for professionals who specialise in stress and burn out.
Sometimes it can as simple as learning the correct breathing techniques that reduces anxiety.
My Find Your Voice course runs online and you can start it whenever you are ready. This is what Melissa said after the first week -
“I have gone over the week 1 material and already found the breathing exercises really helpful. I am someone who can get a bit emotional in one on one meetings (especially if talking about performance/pay) and today I had a performance type meeting with my boss. I practiced the breathing method and even though I could feel a lump in my throat, my eyes didn’t well up so that was already a big step for me.”
This sort of comment helps me to fight that imposter syndrome thing that plagues me from time to time and left unchecked actually spirals into out and out anxiety. Because I want this programme to work for as many individuals as possible I make myself seek out feedback to refine the course and in all honesty, for me to keep going with it.
So thank you Melissa and everyone else who gets in touch with how my resources help them out in many different ways.
Another win for me this week was publishing the training manual on Amazon. A lot of procrastination and ‘it’s too hard’ in behind this action but it was relatively simple.
Heaps of rules on Amazon, one being is that it has to be exclusive to them so I’ve had to remove the option to purchase it off my website and online training school. But, you do receive it as part of ‘The Club’ or direct coaching.
Do get in touch if you have questions or would like more information about any aspect of this newsletter.
One final tip, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with compassion at all times.
17th May 2021
When we can find our voice and find the words to go with that voice to stand up for our worth, the changes in this world could be huge. Perhaps like the butterfly effect theory. One small, positive word or change in behaviour will cause the same somewhere out in the world and on it will go. Positivity breeds positivity.
You may not perceive yourself as a leader, especially if you don't have a leadership role per se at work but we are all leaders of our own lives and also our homes. The late Celia Lashlie says it is on us, as woman, to set the tone of our life and our homes. It’s what we accept what goes in our homes and in our lives. If you are an ‘average’ middle of the road woman (as I am) what changes can you make for yourself to make your world better? Thereby making others’ worlds better.
Making your claim on your worth, knowing what it looks like and standing up for you can shift the dynamics of preconceived notions of how a woman should look and sound, prejudice, sexism, and abuse (physical, emotional and psychological) to make our place better. Let’s start in our own backyard, our very own life and home to shift that dynamic.
How do you even begin? In term of speech and voice development it starts with having the parts of your body that you need for speaking, relaxed. Shoulder rolls, relaxing your jaw, practising a smile, then frown and back to a smile; can get your face relaxed and ready for the next step which is correcting your posture. Make sure your ears are above your shoulders is the easiest way to do this. Next, it's learning the most effective way to use the full capacity of your lungs as well as controlling the outflow of your breath. Showing you how to do this requires too many words so go on to my teaching website www.sayitclearly.thinkific.com and have a look at the free video.
Or you could get in touch by booking an appointment or emailing to discuss where you are and where you'd like to be in terms of finding your voice and your words.
Have a good week, Miriam.